Chey Banks: Flashes&Lightbulbs

Honesty is the Best Policy

Lightbulbs: Mothers know best & they are almost invariably right.

I hope that anyone that reads this has a mother or someone who acts as the mother figure in their life. There is nothing that can replace the nurturing love a mother emanates, and the wisdom a mother gives typically can guide you in the right direction when you are spinning in circles and not sure which way to start walking. 

I recently was in a situation—‘to tell the truth or not to tell the truth’—you could call it. The outcome of the action I chose would affect more lives than my own, as most situations involving secrets or misinformation do. I know I am not the only one who has had to face this dilemma, and I feel for anyone who has walked in similar shoes. 

I reflected on my mother’s advice and that was this—“lying isn’t the right thing to do. Lying is the easier thing to do,” and how right she was. Many of us take the easier road, because, it’s just that…easy. The idea of ignorance is bliss could be the counter-argument here. Perhaps many times we cop out of telling the truth with that as our foundation of why. But for those who dwell, over-analyze, and think far too much for their own good (like myself) doing what is easy and keeping secrets from those you love comes with substantial amounts of guilt, sadness, and remorse.

Though the repercussions of my recent actions have caused hurt, anger, brokenness, and an array of other emotions, I stand firm in knowing it was the right thing to do. Holding the truth from someone to save yourself from these emotions is more deceitful than just being honest…even if it is hard. If people in your life love and appreciate you, they will find forgiveness if you have wronged them, and will appreciate knowing what is real and not just living off of the notion ‘perception is reality.’

That said, to the one I have hurt, please do not forget the words we read inThe Count of Monte Cristo: 

All earthly ills yield to two all-potent remedies, time and silence

an apology does not begin to offer resolve, but our friendship is worth enough for me to have told you the truth. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are better than you know. You deserved to hear this from me. 

Life-altering conflicts like these are hard, but I have my mother to thank for guiding me in the right direction and my other mother figure in my life for reassuring me that I did the right thing and she loves me despite all that has occurred…to this woman: I promise to do as you say and 1. continue to be a woman of integrity and 2. be honest with myself and others, always.

Jah Bless

Two Steps Forward, No Steps Back

Lightbulbs: Let the beauty that you love be what you do

It is funny to me that I can sit here at night and think about how I want to live my life and the steps I need to to take to live it that way—but yet still I find myself waking up the next day doing the same routine as the one that came before it! I did this when I first moved to San Diego too; I had visions of joining groups of like-minded people and getting involved in a team sport or taking guitar lessons once a week, but it simply never happened. Instead I found myself at this club or that club drinking with all of my “friends,” and ignoring my daily meetup or groupon e-mails reminding me to go on hikes or take those music lessons. It has now been almost four months since moving outside of New York City, and I am kicking myself for doing the same thing as when I moved to California.

To re-focus myself I am starting with a hiatus from going to the local bars for happy hours or excessive drinking on the weekend. I don’t have a problem with drinking excessively, it is more of a casual something-to-do with acquaintances, but there are so many other interesting things I can be doing, and I don’t feel like I am successfully finding balance between the two, and striking balance in my life is one of the major goals I have set for myself. One of the crucial missing pieces in my life that used to exist and doesn’t in the present moment is doing more things that nurture my soul. For example, I used to write a lot, read a lot, work out a lot…and in lieu of these things I have discovered some of the greatest happy hour deals in Hoboken and chicest lounges in the city [fun in the moment, not quite so nurturing the following day].

I am sure that I am not alone in this struggle. I used to get very frustrated with a guy that I dated for a long time who consistently fell victim to the same exact issue. For years he knew how he wanted to live, he knew that he was destined for greatness [his potentialities truthfully are far beyond those of many men his age, any age really, and his musical talent unmatched] but he never felt satisfied. I consistently found myself saying to him “if you want to change, then change…the only person standing in your way—is you.” And then I just watched the pendulum swinging in front of him day in and day out as he sat stagnant in our living room writing music and poetry every so often and not doing anything with it, much like I have been watching myself do over the last year or so. I need to listen to the words I told him for several years, take control, and change my situation. [Important to note, that man is now involved in many healing groups where his music and writing touches the hearts and lives of others daily in a way I don’t think he even imagined was possible, and I couldn’t be more proud of him as I watch the lotus of his life continue to unfold].

I believe it is imperative to determine what you are passionate about and make sure that you are constantly filling your life with a healthy amount of that passion. Perhaps it is writing, maybe it’s creating visual art or designing clothes, cooking, reading…whatever it is—discover it and do it often. I can’t fully express how much better I feel when I am consistently reading and writing, my soul just comes alive. There is so much to be said. The same thoughts I have today are ones that many have thought before me and many will think after me, but that shouldn’t deter me from writing it. What I find beautiful is that our racing minds are never alone. The peace you get in life when you are doing what you love is overwhelmingly magnificent and should be sought after.

Rumi said: 

Let the beauty that you love, be what you do

Over the month of April my goal is to make this my mantra. I will say this each day to remind myself that I want more than what I am allowing myself to have. I am confident that by doing this repeatedly, the lifestyle I used to have that I loved will naturally take its place again, and I will feel like a stronger and happier woman in each moment I am breathing. I am eager to shower my soul with what I love especially over the next few weeks to reveal a true realignment of my mind, body, and spirit. I will write more. I will read more. I will sing more. I will be me again.

Trash or Treasure?